We're going wandering

All aboard

2008-04-01T01:40:00.000-07:00

In both Cambodia and Thailand the vehicle of choice is the moped. I used to think this was quite a restrictive vehicle in the UK. Only for one or two people, not very fast and you can't really carry anything. I couldn't have been more wrong. So far Clare and I have seen mopeds with:

- about 30-40 live ducks hanging from it.
- Several bails of hay on the seat
- baskets that have pets or even children in them
- Four grown men
- Two people with arms full of shopping
- Two blokes where passanger is covering eyes of driver

But best of all, and not at all rare, one with five people on it. Dad, mum, three kids with Dad driving whilst talking on the mobile and mum carrying the shopping.

It's fashion....of a sort

2008-04-01T01:38:00.000-07:00

There seems to be a strange fashion phenomenon in Cambodia for the ladies.

Wearing pyjamas as everyday clothing. Not just any old PJ's but the Mini Mouse PJ's. I don't think it'll catch on.

The long and winding road

2008-04-01T01:26:00.000-07:00

After being away for as long as we have, you have some unique travelling experiences, but the Bangkok to Siem Reap (Cambodia) journey was simply the worst journey of my life.

Starting at 7:30 we got the coach from Bangkok for the start of our journey and the first four hours to the border were relatively trouble free. Then it all went a little pear shaped. Numerous people (including our bus driver) tried to sell us entry visas into Cambodia for twice the price. Once we finally got through to the Cambodian side, our bus appeared to have left us behind although it eventually turned up.

The road from the border to Siem reap is notorious for being under developed and rocky, and it didn't fail in its reputation. Occasionally there was tarmac but for the most part its an uneven, bumpy dirt track (Apparentley a Cambodian airline is paying the govenment off to keep it that way encouraging people to fly instead......allegadly). This road is bad enough at the best of times, let alone when it's raining. When that happens the road then turns into a muddy sludge which took us from a heady 30k per hour down to 10kph. That is until we reach one particular corner. For some reason this corner was banked at either side, which made it even more challeging. SO much so that it had caused three rather large dumper trucks slid of the road into ditches.

After all of that we finally got into Siem Reap around 10:30pm, only for the police to pull the coach over and try to extort money out of the bus driver. By 11:30 we finally made it to bed.

Hey Mister. Where you going?

2008-04-01T01:14:00.000-07:00

After beautifully serene experiences in Malasia and then Phi Phi Island in Thailand, we arrive in Bangkok. It's an assult on the senses. I've never been anywhere so busy in all my life. Just crossing the road is to take you life into your own hands! It's the only place I know where on a one way street, vehicles travel in three different directions and then your tuk tuk drives straight through the middle of them. Crazy.

I hope you're sitting comfortably

2008-04-01T01:06:00.000-07:00

I've just downloaded another load of photos on to CD. I reckon we'll have around 7-8000 by the time this is all over. If you're invited round to see our holiday snaps - You better get comfy!

Suck in the gut

2008-03-22T02:34:00.001-07:00

So, we're in Indepdence Square, KL being all touristy when I spied three idian fellas walking around together, taking photos of the sights as well. Nothing odd there. That was until one of them, stood in front of a momument to have his photo taken and took of his shirt. He stucked in he's gut as much as he could, put he's hands on he's hips in a iron man kind of pose and smiled. Photo got taken, back on went the shirt and off they all walked - Random.

Lumper Lumper, stick it up your jumper

2008-03-22T02:21:00.001-07:00

Kuala Lumpur is an interesting place.

Great arcitecture, stunning shopping centres. A real technilogical masterpiece. Yet, it does smell like a dirty toilet, and at times it's really overwhelming. It's a very bizzare contrast, yet there is something a little bizarre about KL - Period.

We went to the Petronas Towers, it was the biggest in the world, until some bloke in Tiepei came along and made a bigger one - Cheeky git.

The tour of the towers is free, which is really rare for......well, anything. But it does come at a non-finacial cost. You have to sit down to the all singing, all dancing, ain't petrol great, Petronas corporate video.....in 3D!!!! Who decided that 3D would make this any more interesting or convincing obviously had more money than sense, but it did mean Clare and I could wear 3D specks, which was actually more entertainment than the video itsself. We also had to go through several security scanners, which in this day and age is understanderble, that was until they confiscated our umbrella. Not the weapon of mass destruction I was expecting.

Food glorious food.

2008-03-22T02:06:00.000-07:00

The food in Asia is ACE!

There's so much to choose from and it's so cheap!

In many places there are areas called Hawker Markets, which are market stalls for food. Now this is my kind of shopping!!!!! You can all kinds of varieties from all regions of Asia. Wash it down with a can of cheap beer and you're laughing!

The one thing alot of the food does seem to have in common is spice. Now, I can been a bit of a fairy when it comes to spicy food, but Clare's a real conisseur. When I'm crying a turning purple, Clare will quite happily inform me that the taste of ginger really compliments the meal.

"I'll have to take you're word on that darling. At the moment I'm struggling to stop my head from exploding"

Even here though, Clare's finding one or two of the meals a little on the hot side. I don't know what she thought of them 'cause I was running to dunk my head in a bucket of water.

Up above the streets and houses, Youngs are flying high.

2008-03-22T01:51:00.000-07:00

Once again the Youngs have blasted across the skies in a metal tube to their next destination. Saying goodbye to Oz for good this time, we we're off to Asia.

First stop - Singapore.

I don't get Singapore. Is it a city, is it a country? It's so small on every map we have, that it's covered by a small dot. Anyway, one thing I do know......it's damn humid - Cue sweat.

Your blog's not a good as it use to be.

2008-03-01T20:48:00.002-08:00

Ain't that the truth.

Apologies for not updating the blog much over the last couple of months and when I have it's not been that funny or interesting. For some reason I really just can't get into it. We've got six weeks left when we'll be going around Asia, and I'll try really hard to finish it with a flourish!

Mmmmmmmmmm my precious

2008-03-01T20:30:00.000-08:00

New Zealand is amazing. End of story!

When watching Lord of the Rings, Clare and I both thought bits of the scenery must have been enhanced or pieced together from different locations but it's not, it's all here and it blows you away.

Such an amazing contrast from what we had scene in Australia, we had 10 days to look around as much of the South Island as possible. In the next new van, we were off like a rocket. Now, New Zealand is no where near as big as Australia but the winding roads mean that you are driving for just as long. We got to Lake Tekapo and Mount Cook on day one and carried on from there. We got to Milford Sound, Fox Glacier, Franz Joseph, Queenstown and Clare also managed to go hang gliding.

Working 9-5......yeah, chance would be a fine thing.

2008-03-01T19:36:00.000-08:00

As well as accommodation being in short supply in Sydney work was even shorter. After looking for a couple of days a coming up with nothing, speaking to several other travellers things started getting desperate. We had planned on three months of work to get money together for our trip to New Zealand and Asia. Now I setting the scene here to help justify our eventual place of work. We got a call from an agency that there was a job available for Clare and I, it wasn't ideal, but it was work. It was working in a call center, which I was fine with, Clare's done it before and I've known plenty of people who have done it. It was more what we were doing whilst we were there. We were working in outbound telesales......selling American Express credit cards. Noooooooooooo. I was about to become everything I hated. I think it's great if people can avoid using credit cards and I'm rubbish at sales. This ain't gonna be pretty.

It's raining men.

2008-03-01T19:11:00.000-08:00

Sydney and Christmas spells one thing - Backpackers!

As we got closer to arriving in Sydney it became apparent that even in mid November that we weren't the only ones looking for somewhere to stay for a couple of months. Accommodation was in short supply but we managed to get a nice little room, 20 mins walk away from the city. Nice. Now, between our room and the city is Oxford street. Neither Clare or I were really aware of Oxford street and its' reputation before we arrived. It did become very clear, very quickly however. Lots of men walking very little dogs was the first clue, bars looking out onto the street that had just blokes looking out and then, possibly the biggest giveaway, rainbow flags all the way down the high street. It really is an eye opener!

And they're off.

2008-03-01T18:47:00.000-08:00

Once the trip from Alice Springs to Adelaide finished we made our way to Melbourne. Time for another Wicked Van, which was fine, until it started raining and we found out the hard way the their appeared to be a hole in our roof. After some very dodgy and temporary repair work by yours truly we were off. Now Melbourne can be considered Australia's second city behind Sydney, but don't say that out loud. Melbourne likes to consider itself as the intellectual, artisan capital of Oz. There's plenty of cafes and culture, but our main focus was on one thing. The Melbourne Cup. One of the biggest horse races in the world, the Melbourne Cup is made up of four days of racing with hundreds of thousands of people attending spending their hard earned cash. We weren't in Melbourne for the main event, but got tickets for the Saturday event The Emirates Stakes Day, other wise known as the Family Day. This sounded great until we arrived. You have never seen so many kids dressed up like they were auditioning for boys bands in all your life. It was unreal and there was an unhealthy amount of strutting. I even had to wear a wrist band to show that I was over 18 so that I could get a beer.

That 70's show

2007-12-28T19:17:00.000-08:00

After Uluru, we carried on down south stopping at Cober Pedy.

Now, for those of you that don't know, Cober Pedy is a famous Opal mining town. IT has to have a lot of opals because there's absolutely no other reason to live there! But the reason most tourists go there is not to see the opals, it's to see how people live. Because it's so damn hot and barren there, many of the houses are actually built into the rock faces and are essentially under ground keeping them and the occupants cool all year round. We got to look round one of the houses, which was interesting. Now, I don't dispute that the people who actually live here have it extremely tough and have to endure harsh conditions, but come on, sort out the 70's decor. It was like being in a time warp. I was waiting for the Brady bunch to appear round the corner!

Climb any mountain.

2007-12-28T18:48:00.000-08:00

From Alice Springs we booked a 6 day trip to take us down through the centre of Oz to Adelaide. This was where we were to take in one of the world's most iconic natural wonders, Uluru, or Ayres Rock to you and me.

We spent most of the morning driving back and fourth through Alice picking up various passengers for the trip. With 24 of us in tow, the journey began.

This was proper Australia. The roads were red and dusty, the sky was clear and the heat haze was rising from the road. This was the outback. Strange then that in this context, the fact that we were a coach full of Irish, German, Korean and of course, English.

Our trip was to start with the biggest attraction first, Uluru and the Olgas. We'd then head south to Cober Pedy and Flinders ranges to name a few. Now, I had mixed feelings about Uluru well before we got there. One, we'd travelled a long way into barren Australia to see a what essentially was a rock in the ground, not just that, a sacred rock. I'd seen it so many times on TV, I was a little worried that it might not live up to expectation. Secondly, there was the question of whether to walk up it. As I mentioned, to the Aboriginals Uluru is a sacred rock, part of their heritage and fundamental to their beliefs. In their eyes walking up it is a big no, no. But, it's also a major tourist attraction, so you are actually allowed to climb it, if it is open and you've got the energy and will power to do it.

So, what to do. First of all, I thought, I'm gonna climb it. Then I heard about the aboriginals beliefs in the rock, and I thought, no I won't climb it. Then I saw it, and thought, yes I am.....then no I'm not. Phew. Yes, no, yes, no. Blimey this was getting stupid. Then we found out it was shut. Decision made.

Are you man or a mouse?

2007-11-12T22:16:00.000-08:00

Alice Springs. The place where men are hard as nails and the place takes no prisoners. Well, not exactley.

Alice Springs is actually quite modern and the reputation of being a hard and difficult place seemed to be slightly unfounded. It's actually quite nice. Now I must add that we were only there for one night before our trip to Adelaide so it could be that all the hard arses were having a night off, but it didn't seem all that bad. It was a tad dusty though so atleast part of the reputation remains in tact.

Alice Springs. Not that bad, just a little dusty.

Something hot and spicy????

2007-11-06T20:35:00.000-08:00

Needing a few bits a pieces for dinner, Clare and I found a small supermarket in a very small town on the Great Ocean Road. Seeing a couple of ingredients and knowing the facilities that we had on the camp site, Clare decided that we were going to have Indian. Get in, was my immediate thought as I hadn't had an Indian in ages.

We got just about got all of the necessary bits and pieces together (Which was difficult in a) a shop of that size and b) in a country that doesn't stock much in the way of ethnic cooking in supermarkets (Compared to the UK anyway). Clare was desperate to have poppadoms with the meal so we hunted high and low throughout the store (which was actually only about three-four isles). I had been less than confident from the start that we would find any, but Clare, determined as ever, carried on trying. Approaching a young, shop assistant of Eastern Asian origin (very PC) Clare asked very forwardly if they stocked poppadoms. The assistant, strangely, appeared to be quite taken aback by this request, but replied that they did and that they were at the front of the store. Clare, clearly excited by this, looked at and said, "YES, they've got some". This seemed to make the assistant even more uncomfortable. They walk through the store to the front, and the assistant presented Clare with her request, a shelf full of CONDOMS. Clare confused, then laughed and said "POPPADOMS....for an Indian meal?" The penny then dropped with the assistant "OOOOOoooooh.......no we don't have any".

Whale world, whale world. Party time. Excellent

2007-11-06T20:16:00.001-08:00

Near Albany, right down the bottom of the West Coast is Whale World. This sounded like an interesting place to visit and learn about Whales, their habitat and which whales can be seen where. WRONG. It turns out that this place was the last Whaling station in Oz and this was the place that once the Whales had been caught, were chopped up into little pieces, stuck in an oven and oil then extracted. Not the kind of Whale world we were expecting!

Saying that, it was quite interesting and did provide a different perspective on the subject. They also heavily promoted saving the whales and conservation, which was great.....apart from one of these conservation videos was shown in one of the old ovens they used to cook the whales pieces.

...and now for something completely different.

2007-11-06T19:59:00.000-08:00

After a long and interesting trip we've arrived in Perth.

The problem with arriving in a large city is that you start to run out of things to do that are new and different. There's always museums, galleries and that but it does become a little repetitive. So Clare and I made an effort to do something new and different in Perth. With that in mind we went into tourist information and looked at various fliers in a quest for something new. And then we saw a billboard. What it was advertising was definitely something that we had not seen on the trip, was unlikely to be seen on the rest of the trip and was certainly different. We agreed that we should go and take a look. So we did.

20 minutes later, Clare and I were paying to go into SEXPO 2007. Funnily, this hadn't been mentioned as a attraction at the tourist information centre but it certainly seemed to draw a crowd. Many of the crowd we giggling 20 year old blokes or slightly eccentric looking couples but we ventured in nonetheless.

The hall was full of stalls selling books, videos and 'equipment' for the disconcerting consumer. I think the one thing that stood out (If you'll excuse the pun) was the guy painting peoples portraits......in the nude.....with his privates. Not something you'd see at the Tate gallery. I just wonder what the guys' thought process was when he came up with the idea.

"I'm quite a good painter but I need an angle......."

This could get a little messy

2007-10-22T18:15:00.000-07:00

Having another week left with the van we decided to drive past Perth (Our final destination) and look at the bottom section of WA. We went to the Margaret River, which is like Wine mecca for WA. A very up market area with lots of wealth looking, maturer couples, our Cat woman wicked van blended in quite nicely.

Being in an area famous for it's wines we decided to take a little wine tour. We signed up and were picked up at 10am the very next morning. It was to be a day of wine, chocolate and cheese tasting, with a small in dependant brewery thrown in there for good measure. Now, for those of you that don't know, Clare doesn't drink but I happy volunteered to take up the slack. As I say, we were picked up at 10am and went to a few other places to pick up others. By 11am, I had my first taste of wine. Now in a taster session you only get around 20ml of wine, which may seem tight but as the day progressed I was quite pleased that this was the case. We spent around 45 mins at our first vineyard where we tested a sparkling white, two whites, two reds and a port. A hell of a start to the day! Clare was quite happily smelling and swirling the wines, and I was quite happy drinking them. What I didn't realise was that we had another 4 vineyards to go and all were testing two whites, two reds and a port. By vineyard three, things were starting to get a little blurry and I certainly wasn't the only one!

Once it was time to come home it was like a grown ups version of a 18-30 holiday............which is exactly the same!

Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got.

2007-10-21T18:38:00.000-07:00

On our way to Monkey Mia, we stopped at Hamelin Pool to see something quite amazing. At Hamelin Pool is a colony of Stromatalites. Now, to the untrained eye, Stromatolites are a loads of rocks in some shallows of water. To those in the know though, these rocks are almost identical to organisisms that existed more than 1900 million years ago and give us clues into the biulding blocks of life. The stromatolites were over 3500 million years old and were still living - WOW. Now, as amazing as this was, it was a little hard to see past them just being rocks.

The day we nearly died

2007-10-21T18:24:00.000-07:00

Six months in and it's finally happened. We've encountered our first snake! It was a good 10 to 15 centimeters long and, although it can't be confirmed that he was poisonous, had a look in its eye that said "you don't want to be coming any closer pal". Ironically I'd nearly stepped on the fella thinking it was a small stick, but thankfully my razor sharp instinct told me otherwise. I jumped into a defensive stance and told Clare to stop moving, knowing that any sudden movements could send this potential killing machine into a wild frenzy. Clare looking somewhat bemused, looked at me, then the snake, and then back at me. We had to get past and only careful and slights movements would ensure our safety. "Just slowly walk around the edge of him" I said. I demonstrated this by slowly sliding round the other edge of the path and past the snake. Clare was a little more blase about the situation, strode past him saying "Isn't he cute". Once she was safely past we continued walking. Both I and the snake exchanged glances knowing that today was not a good day to die.

Let's talk about sex baby.

2007-10-21T18:13:00.000-07:00

There's a very familiar pattern when you travel Oz, especially when you enter the bigger towns and cities. The streets have a familiar sights, namely betting shops, RSL's (Sort of like a working mans club) and........sex shops, and there's plenty of them. The irony of this is that every third advert on the radio is for premature ejaculation and impotence problems. Is this coincidence or are our aussie cousins struggling???????? The radio ads claim that Nasal Technology can help cure the problems. Quite what your nose has to do with it I'm not sure but hey....I ain't no doctor!

That's a big 10-4 rubber ducky

2007-10-08T22:01:00.000-07:00

Because the West Coast is quite empty, seeing another motor vehicle on the road can be quite a novelty. Between Broome and Port Hedland, I'd say that you'd see another vehicle every 10-15 minutes. Because of this, many of the drivers acknowledge each other as they pass, and my, there is quite the variation in techniques. The most popular is the basic raise one index finger from the steering wheel. I used this for a time, but then took it a step further and changed it into a peace sign. Nice. Clare has gone a bit more elaborate using both hands, yes both, and does a wavey, jazz hands kind of thing. A lot of effort, but rewarding nevertheless. We've had numerous replies like the rock sign (Index and little finger), a wave, one potentially racial hiel Hitler, although he could have been just bit slow to wave. We've also had one middle finger, which whilst offensive, was a change from the norm.

For other Wicked Campers though the real big guns are reserved. The Wicked camper community is a very friendly one, and everyone waves, flashes lights and beeps their horns at each other. Clare and I are no exception to this although because the indicators/light switches are on the opposite sides of the steering wheel to the UK, every time I went to flash the lights, I just squirted water across the windscreen. Can't help but think that the other vans must have been a little confused by this.

Urmmmmmmmmmm

2007-10-08T21:52:00.001-07:00

There's nothing better than going for a swim on really hot days, and in the late afternoon a dip in the pool near your campervan is spot on. Clare and I did this for a couple of hours and then hit the showers to get changed. Clare got all of the shower stuff and went first whilst I continued splashing around like a distressed animal. She finished, handed me the gear and I then went to the blokes showers. When I got into the shower, I realised that there was a problem, Clare had actually given me her shower stuff rather than my own. I was already in the shower so was committed to continuing. I finished my shower and got in to the changing room (Full changing room) and then it happened. Clare's PINK bottle of 'Superstar Girl' shampoo fell out of the wash bag and skidded across the floor. A silence descended across the room and looks of bemusement were focussed my way. I tried to give a look that said "This ain't mine" but it looked more constipated that anything else. The only thing to do was to stare at the floor, get changed and scarper.

Ningaloo, Ningaloo laa laa.

2007-10-08T21:44:00.000-07:00

We're now down in Ningaloo Marine Park which is the only place in the world that you can go on trips to see Whale Sharks in there natural habitat............in March. Arse! So we missed that one but there's been plenty else. More whales, turtles, stunning beaches and cracking hot weather......you really just can't get bored of it, you know. The place we've been in is called Exmouth and I think that this is one of my favorite places on the whole trip so far. It's stunning. Whilst the Great Barrier Reef has the worlds biggest Coral Reef, here at Ningaloo, they have the world biggest shoreline reef, which means you get get into the sea, swim 100 metres (that took me a while, luckily my stomach is a fantastic buoyancy aid) and the reef is right there.

What's new pussycat?

2007-10-08T21:34:00.000-07:00

West Coast here we are!

Tuesday 24th Sept and are West Coast adventure starts. One night in a hostel (which had a very tropical theme) and then we picked up our camper. This time I was not so lucky with the design. Our van for this trip was.....catwoman. Bollocks! Not a great start. It did though improve as we looked around the van. This one was actually relatively new, it even had central locking....of a sort. Now, Clare and I have found out that there are two types of opinion that people have of Broome. The first is that it is a really lovely place with lots to do. The second train of thought is that it's a shit hole full of axe murders (The horror Wolfe Creek is based on the town just donw the road). The first theory definitely applies here. Broomes pretty ace with lots to see and do. We even went to have a look at prehistoric dinosaur footprints which were by some cliffs. For the purpose of this, I'm going to say that we saw them and it was really quite obvious. The reality is not so clear.....looked like a load of pot holes really. Cable beach is also fantastic here and there's plenty of it. I've also not seen one single axe murder here, although Clare did look at me funny weilding a sharp knife!

Fly, my beauty....FLY

2007-10-01T22:52:00.000-07:00

So, we've made it.

Three frickin' flights and we now in Broome, and it is HOT! Summer has definitely hit WA! We stayed a night in the Backpackers around the corner from the airport, which was like a sub tropical oasis......with really, really shit food! Bangers and mash - No. Carbonara - Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo! But we were so hungry it didn't seem to matter. Clare had also spent a five hour flight next to an old fella who couldn't stop farting so she was just glad of some fresh air! In fact, there seemed to be a tour of crumblies on our flights just dodddering around in random directions, looking to go some where and then forgetting exactly where there was. They all had name badges on as well, this could have been so they knew each others names....or just for when they forgot their own!

On the road again!

2007-09-14T20:03:00.000-07:00

And so our time in Brisbane is slowly drawing to a close. After planning to be here for just two weeks, five months later (Bar a three week jaunt up to Cairns) we’re finally out of here. The 25th September will see us take three flights to get to our next port of call, Broome. Three bloody flights – Apparently because the last leg of the flight is using two smaller airports, I’ve been told to expect a smaller, ‘personal’ plane. I’ve got a preconceived idea that I’ll be sitting next to Clare on one side and a goat on the other. The in-flight meal might be a choice between the Lasagna and grass.

We’re currently looking after another one of Bron’s friends houses, Jane and Todd’s. We’ve a few less animals to look after here, although no less of a hand full. We’re taking care of, and trying to keep up with Sydney the dog. Sydney is a fourteen year old with the energy of a two year old. He’s a cross bread between a old English sheep dog and the Duracell bunny who jumps up and down so much, I wonder if he’s secretly packed himself a trampoline. It’s quite nice to walk around the suburbs taking him, or is it being taken?

Two weeks ago, we had Nicole stay with us for a few days. She had a work event in Sydney for a week (some in the business world may know this as a jolly) and then took a detour to Brisbane to see us. It was great to see a familiar face and we took her out and about to see some of Brisbane’s sights…..apart from when there was shopping, and then I mysteriously went missing.

We’ve had the best time in Brissie and have a lot to thank Jane, Todd, Jennifer and Duncan for, but especially Bron, who really has made all this happen for us. Being able to look after peoples houses and work here has meant that we’ve really experienced being a local, seen things that a tourist wouldn’t have and save loads of money doing it. Best off all; we can remain unemployed until the end of the year! Yeah!!!!!!

I'm sorry do you speak Eng-ger-lish?

2007-08-23T03:23:00.000-07:00

Code of Conduct and how you treat people is extremely important in the public sector and rightly so. I went to a compulsory training course on this very subject with several other people including a senior Scottish director.

The training lady was telling us about acceptance of others from different backgrounds and how it was gross misconduct to treat various groups differently. The Scottish director then joked 'Yes, please try to understand my accent" to which training lady replied "Yes, we should all make an effort to communicate with non-english speaking people". FUNNY!

By Ekka luv, that were good.

2007-08-17T00:42:00.000-07:00

The Ekka, The Exhibition or the Royal Queensland Show. What ever people prefer to call it the Ekka is a ten day show that is as weird as it is wonderful and about as varied as anything I’ve ever seen before. So big is the show, all of the districts of Queensland are given one of the ten days as a public holiday. You just get a day off, just like that. If you go to the show - great. If not - fair enough!

Billed as the event where the City meets the country, it’s the only event I’ve been to where you can have a fashion parade next to a best looking cow competition. The only real difference between the two would be that occasionally one set would randomly poo on the floor….naughty models.

It's an exhibition, a fete, a festival and a fair all rolled into one. Set in the Brisbane show grounds, the event takes some time to navigate around, let alone actually walk round. We decided to avoid the fair, which looked a bit like the one at Milton Keynes at it's chavvy best. We took a walk around some of the events and demonstrations to see Queenslands best in action. We first saw the wood choppers, which involved woodsmen making their way up a totem pole and then chopping off the top. That was excellent. Then we watched districts from Queensland Rail compete for the silver nail. Two competing teams had to race each other in laying track and then getting a rail pump truck (I have no idea what they're actually called) from one end to the other, in a railway version of the Royal Tournament. That was great.

Next we move to a demonstration which still has me rather lost for words. As we got there, the 'event' had already started. The MC, who kind of reminded me of a slack jawed yokel from America's deep south, got proceedings under way. The first words I heard him speak summed up the following demonstration to a tee. In a very proud tone he announced "Do we sit there and ask questions? NO! 'Cause we're Australian!!" He then fetched two volunteers from the audience. Two mates aged in their late teens came to the fore. What they were about to do, neither had ever done before (Thankfully I guess!). They were each given large leather coats that went from neck to toe and then, quite curiously, a fencing helmet each. The MC then proceeded to give them each a WHIP. Clare and I looked at each other, both thinking that there was no way that this was about to happen. It was. "3-2-1" was the count down, and then they went for it and proceeded to whip each other as hard as their little arms could. Apparently the winner was decided by striking his opponent BETWEEN THE EYES! There's nothing else I can add to that apart from I know what at lot of you lot are like back home - SO HERE IT IS ON VIDEO - : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8s7s9A2wi8 (I like the Eye of the Tiger background)

I ask several people if this was a traditional Australian activity. They looked at the video, they looked at me and their faces confirmed that this was not a traditional activity.......it was just weird.

The rest of the day was watching more events, visiting the animal section which was a bit like being on the farm, show jumping, wine tasting, eating lots (A Dagwood Dog is a strangely tasty piece of show ground delight) and watching the animal parade in the main arena. In the parade, first came the horses and circled the parameter, then the cows, the goats etc until the whole arena start to fill with animals. Every animal type had a person in front of it with a large plaque with the title of what the animal was, sort of like the opening ceremony of the Olympics when the different countries come in. Also, when I say title of each animal, I don't mean a plaque saying 'HORSE' and 'COW' but the name of the type, like Friesian cow and Shetland pony etc. Just thought I'd clear that up.

Then horse drawn carts came in pulling carts demonstrating local trades like the Brewery (God bless them). Then, quite bizzarly, six men walked in with two small bowls. They both had one fish in them. Six men, two fish. Now, I'm not a big expert on fish and the kind of attention they require, but I'm pretty sure that it doesn't take six men to look after two fish. These six men paraded their two little fish around the arena. Maybe they were surrogate fathers? Who know's!

After six hours there we were done - A great day.

It's tasty tasty, very very tasty.

2007-08-06T03:25:00.000-07:00

A couple of miles outside of Brisbane is a shop that sells traditional British food and is one that my Aussie English boss has frequented on several occasions. Last week she made a series of attempts to further educate our Aussie counterparts in British cuisine by bringing in samples for them to eat. She decided that for three days she would bring in different examples and encourage other members of staff to try.

Monday ‑ Porkpie. This thing was huge. It was actually only half a porkpie but it was still the size of a dinner plate. It also had a hardboiled egg in the middle ‑ Very authentic. Having tried some of the pie, I can confirm that it was extremely good and I was convinced that after the fruitcake with cheese debacle, this would help restore the British reputation for food. Now, it is here that I must highlight a huge cultural difference between Aussie's and the Brits when it comes to pies. Pies in Oz are always served hot. Uh ohhhhh.

Once given a slice, one colleague headed straight to the microwave to nuke it for a minute or two. She had to be physically restrained from doing so. When we explained that Porkpies had to be served cold, there was a look of horror and confusion. The others shared her disbelief, and eating the pie had just been taken to a brand new level. We doubted whether the pie would actually be edible served warm especially with the jelly in there, let alone the hard boiled egg. The general consensus on the pie was mixed with the 'no heating' part being a real bone of contention. We had not started well.

Tuesday ‑ Haggis. Now, after Monday's reaction, I thought it was possibly a tad early to be introducing the famous Scottish dish. We tried to be politely vague about some of the contents of the haggis and told them it was basically a meat based dish. Embarrassingly, it had taken me travelling to the other side of the world for my first ever taste and I really enjoyed it. One native Scotsman said it was one of the best he'd had in a long time. We knew the product was good.

Getting people into the staff room in the first place was a challenge, so Boss took the decision 'if the people won't come to the haggis, the haggis will come to the people'. I saw her chase at least two people around the office trying to convince them to try. It was a taste test taken to the extremes! The general feeling was actually rather more positive to the Haggis than the porkpie...until we mentioned the sheeps general contribution in putting this dish together. Sudden bouts of queasiness were suddenly rife through the department.

Unfortunately we didn't get to Wednesday's taster as boss was forced to reveal what was on the menu. I've never seen so many jaws hit the floor.

It would appear that some people don't react well to the possibility of trying Faggot followed by Spotted Dick.

Snap attack

2007-07-28T21:20:00.000-07:00

I've managed to pull my finger out and put some more photo's on-line. The address as usual is http://www.flickr.com/photos/8634296@N07/

Well hello there

2007-07-28T21:15:00.000-07:00

The one thing Clare and I have noticed in Oz more than anything else is how unbelievably friendly people are over here. From people at work, to those we meet or are introduced to right through to those working in shops and department stores. It’s great and I love it.

A month or so, Clare and I went to Blockbuster and behind the counter was the standard pre packaged Blockbuster employee – the spotty, grubby looking emo teenager. Now, in the UK, when you walked through the door in your local blockbuster, you’d be lucky if you even got a grunt of acknowledgement through their grease dripping hair. When we walked through the doors we expected no different from our Aussie experience than we would back home. We entered the building; the teen employee peered up from the counter, and then………smiled, yes smiled, and in the most sincere tone said “Hi, how are you guys doing today? If you need any help please feel free to give me a call”.

I, visibly shaken by this, had to take a step back. Clare grabbed my arm a little tighter unsure of what had just happened. I felt kind of numb and looked around quickly to make sure that we weren’t about to be jumped or mugged by two thugs hiding behind the horror section. I was about to whimper “please don’t hurt us” when Clare managed to pull it together and reply with “Thank you very much”. It felt like an age had past between his question and our eventual reply but Clare it seemed had respond in just enough time for it not to look too odd. We scuttled off, deep into the forest of DVD’s having survived. I took a deep breath, continually looking around to check for our safety. This was a very strange situation. The assistant had genuinely looked as if he had cared. This was something we were not used to. Always conscious that we may be part of an elaborate set up we swiftly made our choice and went nervously back to the assistant. He didn’t even throw the DVD in our general direction, he gave it to us…….and then proceeded to bid us farewell and to have a good afternoon.

This is not a one off event. The large majority of places we have been, the staff have been extremely friendly and helpful. I have though concluded that this now poses one, quite major problem. When we get back to the UK our guard maybe down used to the aussie way of life, only to be smacked in the face by a flying DVD we’ve just rented.

Well, what do you know!

2007-07-15T21:57:00.000-07:00

For those of you that read this blog with alarming frequency will know that I have a rather strange Aussie 'wanna be English' boss who crazily believed that Fruit cake with cheese is a traditional English dish. Those of you who read will recognise that I mocked and derided her for such a ludicrous suggestion.

But would you believe it, the bloody woman's right. I've received several messages informing me that they've heard of, seen, or........god forbid, even tried this ridiculous combination. The more I think about it, the more I seem to sound like Peter Kay.

"A cake........with cheese!?!"

Welcome to Little Britain

2007-07-12T03:15:00.000-07:00

Working in the public sector in Oz, things are really relaxed. You can wear jeans if you're not in meetings, work flexi time etc. We've also all got MP3 players on, but Aussie English boss has gone a step further than most and got a speaker system with hers so she can play it out loud so everyone can hear. EVERYONE!

I've walked in this morning and booming out was Last night at the proms, Land of Hope and Glory and she's actually saluting! "Here you are Mark, doesn't this make it feel like home"

Yea. We're always playing Land of Hope and Glory round our way. We also wear union jack shorts, hankies on our head and get round an old piano to sing Roll out the Barrel as well.

She then announced that she was gonna really wind 'them Aussies' up (OF WHICH SHE IS ONE!!!!!) and she duly cranked up the sound and put on Rule Britannia. Out came the salute again.

Brisbane Life - By Clare.

2007-07-06T23:48:00.000-07:00

We wanted to give you some idea what life was like here is Brisbane. Jennifer and Duncan are still in the UK visiting Jennifers family and freinds and will be home in 2 weeks time. As well as falling into a routine, we are still sightseeing the surrounding area. We have been rock climbing on the Brisbane River, cycling, seen live bands and comedy, visited the theatre and tonight we are going to see a Queen tribute band (a bit like We Will Rock You musical at home). Tomorrow we are going to an outdoor cinema to see Happy Feet as part of BIFF - the Brisbane International Film Festival. This morning Bron came round to give us our first pottery lesson. There is a table and kiln under the house (the house it bulit on stilts). We have made two mugs each. Not sure if we'll be able to drink out of them but we'll give it a go!

So where do we live?

Mark and I have been living in Brisbane at 10 Waverley Street for the last 5 weeks with Duncan and Jennifer, friends of Bronwyns. Jennifer is a fellow Brit who came over 4 years ago to do a degree. She is now studying for her Masters and is employed by the university as a scientist researching plant growth. Its much more technical than that but thats the best way I can explain it and what she doesn't know about plants and vegetation isn't worth mentioning. She also loves animals. Her former careers were in pensions in London and she's also a trained chef, graduating at the same chef school as Jamie Oliver. Duncan, originally from Melbourne, is a former band member of 'Natives of Bedlam', a local Brisbane band. He plays the guitar, didgeridoo, bongo's, violin and piano. He's a self-employed IT consultant and works for a local school and a charity.

The house has quite a history and has been a shared house for at least 18 years (thats how long Duncan has lived here). Its a bit like Wisley Avenue, lots of parties, couples getting together etc. Bronwyn lived here herself for 2 years. The people we have met here has been quite a mixture; musicians, singers, painters, potters, students, there is always someone popping in to say hi and staying for dinner. Its very relaxed and things seem to just 'happen' rather than be planned.

The house is situated off the Ipswich Road which is kind of a 3 lane highway that takes you out of the city (gets very busy at rush hour). The suburb we live in is called Annerley about 10 minutes bus ride from the city centre. The house is a 'Queenslander'which is like a huge single storey cabin made out of wood. Inside is very spacious and they are built for warm weather. They don't have central heating, in fact no heating at all so when it gets chilly its like an ice box! They are very pretty and are painted in different colours, pinks, mint greens, creams etc. The garden is full with tree's, bushes, shrubs, fish ponds and a chicken coup. Jennifer and Duncan have a number of saplings that they are trying to grow, each with chicken wire round it to protect from possums with bamboo mulch covering the surrounding soil. This protects the ground from the sun drying it and retains as much moisture as possible to give the tree a chance in the hot, dry weather.

The house sits at the top of a very hilly San Francisco-style road. From the front door you can see Mount Cootha, the sunsets are lovely. Pete and Angie, friends of Jennifer and Duncans turned up on a Wednesday teatime to watch the sunset. Duncan went outside with them and they sat on a bit of grass with a beer until the sun had gone completely and it was pitchblack. There is very little twilight in Australia. This means that when it gets dark it does so within a few minutes instead of gradually. It can take you by surprise!

Whats the weather like?

Well, it really has been a medley of weather conditions here is Brisbane; heavy rain, blustery winds, icy cold days, then warm sunny days, pretty much like home! We are in the middle of winter at the moment June-August, and some days its hard to keep warm. We have purchased slippers and fleeces and spend evenings with blankets round us to keep warm. Locals tell you to 'rug up!' which means 'put a jumper on!'. In England the heating would definately be on by now!

Brisbane is still in a drought and has been for around 3 years. Dams were at an all time low of 18% which is critical. The Government issue critical levels, 1 being the lowest and 5 the highest. A level 5 has already been issued. In the last few weeks there has been heavy rain so the dams have a chance of filling up, if only a tiny bit. The problem Brisbane has is that years ago dams were built in the wrong place. Its a real bone of contention as the weather specialists, all these years ago, advised the Government to build them in certain places to maximise rain collection for the areas that needed it the most (i.e. the dry area's like Brisbane), but they decided to go against their advice and built them elsewhere. Consequently Brisbane is suffering. Places like Darwin is dry and hot, has a massive amount of rainfall per year and has a dam built near it whereas Brisbane has low rainfall with no dam in sight - it doesn't make sense!

The Government has issued a number of initiatives to help save water including reintroducing water tanks and 4 minute showers. They even post out egg-timers that can be attached by a suction pad to the shower and ensures you don't go over your alloted time. It really has made us think of all the water we used to waste at home. Rain makes front page news like hot temperatures make ours back home. Locals splashing around in welly boots are thrilled that the heavens have opened while office workers in London take their kit off and jump in the fountains, enjoying the sunshine.

What do we eat?

We have been eating massive amounts of kangaroo lately; kangaroo mince, steaks and Kanga Banga's (sausages - thats their actual name on the packaging). It was a bit weird eating it at first, especially since we had already visited Australia Zoo and hand fed the official animal of Oz (some natives won't eat an animal that appears on their national flag). Its tasty, low fat and cheap so it ticks all the boxes. We just have to put images of Skippy out of our minds. Apparently its one of the more humane animals you can eat. Cows spends weeks in a cattle truck, crammed together and afraid of their fate. In the slaughter houses they are electrocuted and sometimes that doesn't kill them first time. Kangaroo's on the other hand spend their lives roaming around freely enjoying a happy life until they are abruptly shot in the head. Death is quick so their bodies (unlike the cows) have not been saturated by fear. Kangaroo's are not bred for food, they are killed because there are too many of them.

We receive fruit and veg deliveries from Food Connect, organic produce from local farmers. When the box arrives you have no idea what you're going to get. We currently have a 'custard apple' in the kitchen ripening very nicely. We are not sure what to do with it so Mark found the custard appple website for recipies! Because of insects, all food has to be put into containers. They also have 'weevils' which are weird maggot type things that live in things like herbs and flour. To get rid of them you have to freeze the food items straight away to kill them off. If not they will overtake the pantry without delay. Food lasts much longer than it does at home - for example bread and milk have a 'use by' date of 2 weeks in the future. You could take a slice of bread out after more than a week and it will still be lovely and soft! There are more varieties of Cadbury's here than at home - some are very weird, I don't think we're ready for them at home!

Where are we working?

Both Mark and I are civil servants working for Queensland Government. Mark works for the Department of Health and I work for the Department of Natural Resources and Water. My work involves issuing people water licences to take water from creeks for
irrigation, domestic use or for livestock - because there is a lack of water at the moment its a very tricky issue. We have issued a 'moretoreum' which means that certain area's around Brisbane are retricted to the amount of water they can take from creeks because there isn't enough water for the public in general. I work with scientists, hydrologists and geologists who visit sites to work out if we can issue licences and resolve issues. When it rains the office is empty as they are all off measuring it, analysing it and generally getting very excited!

My colleagues are nice, they all think the English accent is 'cute'! Its so different working in an office whose main aim is not to make loads of money! Things are much quieter, there are no real deadlines, few diva tantrums, bliss!!!

Possum

Now, I've saved the best till last. We are having an amazing here in Brisbane, but the most rewarding and unique experience by far is looking after Pervical the Possum. Percy was found alone without his mother at a very young age. Jennifer and
Duncan agreed to look after him as part of a wildlife release program. Percy is a marsupial nocturnal native animal. He sleeps during the day and is active at night. When he was 'born' he was the size of a baked bean. He crawled out of his mother and into her pouch to grow. From there he was able to take all the nutrients he needed just like a human baby would do in a womb. At some point during his growth he became separated with his mother, was found by someone and taken to the wildlife centre. They normally stay with the mother until they are around 7 months old, living in her pouch or clinging on to her back. Percy does not have a pouch, instead he climbs down my fleece and snuggles up there.

Its very hard to describe what a possum looks like but I will give it a go. Percy is a Brushtail Possum and in my opinion much cuter than their Ringtail cousins. He has soft grey fur, a face like a mouse with a pink nose and pointy ears, hands and feet like a monkey and a tail much like a monkeys but furry like a squirrls. The underside of the tail does not have any fur on it and he uses this part to grip tightly to things like a branch to steady himself or hang upside down. He eats carrots, banana's, cucumber and sometimes crackers. He would eat anything if he had a chance but we have to make sure his diet is healthy to prepare him for the wild. He also eats leaves and flowers from the garden. He has a large cage with a small box in it that has blankets to keep him warm at night. There are also large branches that he can climb on. He has porridge in the morning in a little 'possum bowl' with rice milk not cows milk - possums are lactose intolerant and too much cows milk can kill them. If you walk away from him he will run after you and scamper up you your legs and perch on your shoulder like a parrot. He is not toilet trained so he has to be taken to the toilet. In the wild his mum would have licked his him to make him wee and poo but as she is not longer around, we have to do it. We hold him over the sink and gently rub his cloaca (the multipurpose opening) until he wee's and/or poo's. I think he finds this soothing as his eyes start to close!
He goes for walks in the trees in the garden. Now he is getting older we let him go out by himself and he makes his way back to his cage when he's ready; probably in the early hours of the morning. He is almost ready to leave home (think Marcel, Ross's monkey on friends) so unless you chop his balls off (which happen to heart-shaped) there is no way he'll want to stick around. He'd rather be running and jumping through the tree's, though we are hoping he will still want to come back to his cosy warm box in the cage.

General

Some gerenal observations we though you might be interested in:

- Walking across the road without using the designated crossings (green man etc) is illegal. There is good reason for this:
A 15 year old girl was run over the other day and killed when she walked out from behind a bus.

- Shops round up. If you make a purchase and the total is $21.97, the cashier will say '$22 please'. Australia has 5, 2 and 1 cent coins so there is no obvious reason for this. Strange.
- Radio stataions advertise 'adult' shops and there is frequent swearing on the radio be that in ads or by the presenters themselves
- People often walk round in bare feet, mainly when its warm
- On the official news programmes we are greeted with an informal 'Hey, how are ya?'
- Road signs warning about speeding are quite blunt and include 'Rest or R.I.P.' and 'High speed, low I.Q.'
- Eucalytus trees shed their bark instead of their leaves
- Brisbane has all the features of a great city without the pretention, people are very freindly and laid back in a 'rural' kind of way

Since I started writing this update we have been asked to house sit for some more of Bron's friends. They live round the corner and have a dog called Sydney who is very cute. That will start on 18th August to 22 September which means we are staying in Brisbane for a while now and will be here for our first wedding anniversary and my 31st birthday. After that we will be seeing the rest of Australia (Ayres Rock and the west coast, then Adelaide, Canberra and Melbourne) and hopefully be in Sydney for Christmas and New Year.

I hope this has given you a good idea of what we've been up to. We are having an absolute ball experiencing new things, meeting new people and visiting new places. Having said that we are really missing you all and as Dorothy said, 'there's no place like home'.

We were just pissing by and thought wee'd watch this ploow

2007-07-05T02:06:00.000-07:00

Yes! We've travelled thousands of miles across the globe and we've just watched the theatre production of 'Allo 'Allo, the most English, playing French, speaking English of sitcoms there ever was.

Right about now the theme music should be popping into your head. That should stay with you for a while and drive you nuts.

We gained the $55 tickets for free in a way that's still too traumatic for me to talk about. Let's just say I had to hide behind Clare as we walked in the door so the strangest ticket seller in the world........EVER, didn't see me.

Anyway, back to the show. If you like your late eighties comedies (and lets face it, who doesn't!) you'd love this. Loads of 'You stuuupiiiid womaaaaan', 'Goodmoanings' and ' fallen Madonna's with the big boobies'. It was like travelling back in time.

Not just that, but Gordon Kaye, the original Rene, was starring, as well as the original Leftennant Gruber and waitress Mimi (who's still as small, but three times as wide).

It was classic and like being back in 1985......which is exactly the same thing that could be said for the audience!

The mainly 'mature' audience had attracted some slightly alternative viewers. The very John Inman looking fella would be my case in point. Very slight, mid 60's, wearing a brown leather jacket that look exactly like Michael Jackson's in the Thriller video and to top it off, MC Hammer style trousers. I'm pretty sure there was never a time when all of that should have been worn together, but the pink champagne really topped the look off. Actually there was a lot of pink champagne being drunk, so much so, that Clare and I thought we'd got our dates mixed up and we're about to walk into the theatre production of 'Singing naked men' which apparently started the week after!

The best things in life are free

2007-07-05T01:58:00.000-07:00

Whilst house sitting, Clare and I have starting to settle into more of a routine especially now that we're working.

This means that the weekends, as at home, become more important. It is here that we click back into tourist mode. For the last two weekends we've been to a place called the Powerhouse, which is like a mini, mini Tate modern. They're showing the World Press Photo of the Year exhibition there at the moment. Significant images from around the world, emotive, disturbing, passionate............and Peter Crouch playing for Liverpool.

Every Sunday they have a session of live bands and then comedians and the whole things free! Excellent!

In a couple of weeks five of us are off to go Whale watching off the coast. This is something I've been looking forward to for a long time. The only problem is that Clare keeps telling people that we're going Whaling. That's a totally different activity, and really shouldn't be confused.

As a little taste of home we saw some of the Diana concert on the tele. After seeing Brian Ferry and then subsequently Rod Stewart perform, something occurred to me. At what age do you decide that wearing sparkly clothing is ok? What happens to make you decide that actually, this ain't a bad look?

I hope if that urge ever takes me, Clare will take me to one side, and slap some sense into me!

tonight, I'm a rock n roll star.

2007-06-29T06:43:00.000-07:00

Most aussie's will agree that TV over here is pretty poor and I would tend to agree with them.

I will give you one example:

7:30pm - Rock 'n' Roll cuisine. The show where current (Struggling would be my preferred word) bands talk about their music and influences......whilst cooking each other a meal!?!

You what?

In case you were wondering what was under the barrel you had just scraped....there it is.

What's that coming over the hill, is it a Possum?

2007-06-29T06:10:00.000-07:00

As some of you may or may not know, whilst house sitting in Brissie we're also looking after several animals that Duncan & Jennifer (House owners) have. There are three tanks of fish, around 9 chickens and one possum.

In fact, he's not just any old possum, oh no no no. This is Percy. Percy was abandoned by his mother and Jennifer and Duncan have been looking after him until his strong enough to look after himself in the wild. I suggested that tattoos and a biker jacket may make him look more menacing. I seemed to have missed the point.

Well Percy has become an integral part of our stay here and it's great looking after him. He does pee and shit at very random times, but hey, who doesn't when they're growing up.

Being nocturnal, for the first couple of hours of the evening he does like to stay in the dark for a bit, so we'll either wrap him up in a dressing gown on Clare will stick him inside her fleece.....and this is where the story starts.

A couple of nights a go, Clare put Percy inside her fleece (she was wearing it at the time) and his little nose was poking up through the zip. We sat down in front the the TV, with Clare rubbing the nose of little Percy. Occasionally he would move about but generally stay still. Clare stroked his face for around 15 minutes until a break in the TV programme. It was only then that she looked down to see how Percy was doing. Looking inside her fleece she realised that when he had moved around 10 minutes earlier, he had actually turned completely around and that his butt was now in the air. It suddenly dawned on Clare that she had in fact been stroking arse for around 10 minutes. FUNNY!

Lost in Translation?????

2007-06-20T04:17:00.000-07:00

Doesn't matter where you are there's always an odd person at work.

I work with a women who was born in Oz, lives in Oz and is, for all intents and purposes, an Oz (She's actually one of my three bosses - Yes Three!). She, like so many Aussies that we've met, has an English relative. Hers is her mother. She has decided that this (and a couple of visits to blighty) actually makes her a Brit!?! Kinda like an Aussie Ali G - "Is it 'cause I is British????"

When she found out I was working in her team and that I was English she shouted out, in a very Australian accent, "C'mon you poms!" Hmmmm.

Today, I was in conversation with her and a couple of others when she announced "I tell you Mark, I've been teaching these Aussie bast@rds a thing or two about home!". But you are one, I thought!!

"Yea, I've been teaching them about English traditions and English food". She continued....

"Toad in the Hole" She stated.
"Mmmmmmm" I replied
"Roast dinners and Yorkshire pudding"
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" I exclaimed again
"Fruit Cake........." at this point I was about to repeat my obligatory noise when she finished her sentence.
"........with a slab of cheese on it!!!!!"

"Ehhh??????"

I asked her to repeat her statement.
"Yea, you know, Fruit cake with a slab of really strong cheese on top. That's a English classic!"

Now, at this point I would like to open this to anyone who's reading. Does anyone know what the hell she's going on about because I haven't a clue. Fruitcake with a slab of cheese on top of it!?! That's bl00dy ludicrous!

"You English really do have the oddest traditions" said a rather bemused colleague.

Now I wanted to put her straight and tell her that we're not totally loopy, but Ozzie English was a boss, so I decided to leave it and look at the other lady apologetically for my country's culinary stupidity.

Pappy and Grandad Bill

2007-06-14T05:06:00.000-07:00

When doing a trip like this, for this amount of time, there will inevitably be difficult times. Over the last couple of days, both Clare's Grandad (Pappy as he is more fondly known) and Grandad Bill passed away.

They will both be missed greatly. Although we can't be there at this difficult time, we will be remembering and celebrating their lives in a memorial service by planting a tree for each of them at the same time as the services back home.

We'll miss Pappy and Grandad Bill greatly and they will always be in our thoughts.

Special wishes and love to Nanny and Nanny Rose and to all of the families.

xxxx

Welcome Mr Bond.....we've been expecting you!

2007-06-07T18:21:00.000-07:00

We're back in good ol' Brissie.

After two months of living the unemployed highlife, we've been brought crashing back to earth by entering the dredge that is the world of work. We've both signed up to an agency who have got us both work straight away.

Clare's been shipped off to a government agency do all sorts of admin work for a reasonably good wage. I got shipped of to a hospital to work in their research dept for some extraordinarily dull work (but exceptionally good pay - Who said that public sector work pays nowt?!?). I was told by the agency that my contact at the dept was (and I promise you, that this is no lie) Monique Callander!!!! Now, put on a slightly french accent when saying this and I thought I was going to be working for a bloody former bond girl or something!

I arrived at my destination and asked for Monique. If Monique had been a former bond girl her best years had long disappeared. A short lady with the voice of a male biker, my perception had been shattered and she had one hell of a lisp that really required an umbrella when she spoke.

Meanwhile, on day two of Clare's work, she already got herself on a training course!!!! Unbelievable. A tourist with a days experience and she's already got herself integrated into the company. She really is amazingly good when she gets into work. I'm predicting that by the end of next week she'll be offered a full time position and the end of the month a place on the board.

Me???? Make a mistake????

2007-06-07T17:55:00.000-07:00

We here at youngsblogspot appreciate your feedback and want you to be aware that we do take everything on board.

Here's some of the comments we've had from all of you diligent readers

"I don't think you're in OZ" Matt Clark - Northampton

"Shouldn't the title page say 'wandering' not 'wondering'" Mr M Clark - Northamptonshire

"Shouldn't it read 'Clare was concerned about Mark's HORSESHOE shaped dandruff'" Señor Mattino Clarkio - Northamptoncia

The blog is littered with typo's, spelling mistakes and grammatical errors that would embarrass a five year old, so thank you for your diligence. There will be plenty more in the future.

What's that Flipper? Some people have been trapped in a mine shaft and the only way to save them is through an underwater cave that you've found!

2007-06-07T17:22:00.000-07:00

On our way back to Brisbane we stopped of at Tin Can Bay. By the boat ramp every morning around 8am, dolphins will come in looking to be fed, and a local wildlife team give you the opportunity to actually do it.....for free. This was any opportunity not to be missed! We got to Tin Can Bay the night before and set our alarms for an early wake up call.

By 7.20, Clare and I were by the boat ramp, a nice cup of coffee in hand, with several other people awaiting the arrival of Flipper (actual name Mystique - A poor choice of name I thought for a dolphin) and any others that might join him.

7:45 passed, then 8:00 then 8:15. We started looking at the volunteer team in a way that would suggest 'we know that you have no control over these wonderful creatures, but we're tourists and we kind of expect them to show......on time!'. It was at this point, almost knowingly, one of the helpers explained to a couple that sometimes, occasionally, the dolphins don't actually turn up because they've got their feed elsewhere. Elsewhere, what do you mean elsewhere - Dolphins with no loyalty, what kind of creatures are these??????

We tourists were slightly concerned at a potential 'no show', but as quickly as these thoughts entered our heads, they soon disappeared, as a single fin was spotted coming towards us. Flipper sorry, Mystique, glided towards us and there he (possibly she) was. We enter the water up to knee level and were allowed to enter the water and feed one fish to these fascinating creatures. It was quite simply amazing.

You're doing what????????

2007-06-07T17:18:00.000-07:00

So, our trip to Cairns had finally come to a close and it was time to make our journey.............back to Brisbane! Ehhhh????? But haven't you come from there, I hear you ask! Well, my British chums, we've been given the opportunity to house sit for a couple of months and decided that this was a good opportunity to earn some money and re-enter the working world. We have 4 days to cover over 1700k - No problem!

Is it a bird, is it a plane....no its Rubberman

2007-06-07T16:33:00.000-07:00

In the last two weeks, we've had two separate occasions where wetsuits have been a prerequisite of the activities we were about to do. Now, I was a bit apprehensive at wearing an all-in-one jump suit for the first time, and to say that it was figure hugging was an understatement. I was kinda glad I hadn't had any kebabs in recent weeks, although the suit still failed to be kind.

Waiting to do my second scuba dive, something dawned on me. There is no way to look cool or even relaxed whilst wearing a full body wetsuit.....not even the people with ripped physics looked normal.
We had to wait 20 minutes in these things before going for the dive and you suddenly become very aware that you look you've raided Catwoman's wardrobe. I tried sitting down, then crossed my legs. Catching a glimpse of myself in the reflective surface opposite, I realised that I actually looked like an out-of-work superhero. "Times had been hard on Rubberman who was now sitting in the queue to pick up his giro".

I decided to stand up, maybe lean against the railings. Top shelf, PVC photo shoot suddenly became the look. Not good. I tried five different postures before giving up and settling for out-of-work superhero.

Moral of the story is: If you have to wear a wetsuit don't put it on until the very last minute, otherwise.......do another activity that doesn't need one!

Trials and Tribulation

2007-06-02T05:39:00.001-07:00

Apart from the Great Barrier Reef there's loads to see up here in Cairns, so Clare and I decided to take a tour up north. Now this was to be the furthest North we were to go on the East coast, maybe the whole trip. The tour took in a visit to a wildlife park, Daintree National park and Cape Tribulation. The rainforests of Cape trib and Daintree were brilliant and we even went on a little bit of a Croc hunt (Because that's what you do with Crocs......go looking for them!).

The wildlife park was billed as an interactive experience and it certainly lived up to it. Once you were there you could get attacked by Wallabies, Kangaroos and even the odd pararot. Clare was scathed by the first two and had an attacking fly by from the latter. Now, you maybe wondering where I was during all of this. Well I had taken the decision to use Clare as a human shield whilst screaming like a girl. Not the most manly of stances, I must agree, but I did come out unharmed nevertheless I'm sure you'll be relieved to hear.

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2007-06-02T05:18:00.000-07:00

So we've finally got some pictures up. Take a look through the blog and I've added in some pics.

Here's a little link for a quick hello from Clare and I (Sound needed): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1PphIM0598

...and all being well, you'll be able to see some photo's here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/8634296@N07/

2007-06-02T02:49:00.000-07:00

Seeing the Great Barrier Reef on TV looks spectacular, but seeing it for real is really unexplainable. It's the most amazing natural sight and to think that this is all living plant life that has been around for millions of years. We've seen the Barrier Reef in two places now. Once as part of the Whitsundays tour but we've now gone out to the Outer Barrier Reef, leaving from Cairns. We spent over an hour travelling on a boat getting there and it was worth the every minute of the trip. I thought that in seeing the reef we would be several metres (maybe more) above the reef itself, but it is so shallow and so close its really hard to describe. That couple with the marine life around it. We were able to see an amazing array of fish include stingrays. Quite simply one of the most spectacular sights we've ever seen.

Hmmm, now that sounds familiar!

2007-06-02T02:38:00.000-07:00

So, we've made it to Cairns. Nearly 1800k (with a few detours thrown in for good measure) in our little camper van. We're now smack bang in the middle of the wet tropics and rain forests of Australia. Now, I want to draw your attention to two key words there. Wet and Rain, because yes, and this will amuse some of you, it bloody raining up here. Not all the time, but when it does, man it really does come crashing down! Now, of course for some of you in blighty this may bring a little smile to your face, but I think you need to understand something. You lot have got it easy when it rains, you're all stuck inside your offices and places of work for 8 hours a day in the dry, but for us it makes it really hard to get a tan!

We want to leave a comment.

2007-06-02T02:21:00.000-07:00

Now, some of you have been struggling to leave comments on this very blog. Using all of my I.T knowledge I spent a good minute to a minute and a half investigating the problem. I think it is solved.

When leaving a comment, click on comment at the bottom of the story. You will then be presented with a page with a box for you to write your comment in. You will also be asked to choose an identity, make sure you choose annomynous. As long as you leave your name at the bottom of the comment we'll be able to tell who wrote it. If your still having problems, you may want to check your pop up blocker as we've had a couple of problems this end regarding that.

Don't feed them DINGO'S!

2007-05-24T23:51:00.000-07:00

We spent three days on Fraiser Island on a 4x4 self drive tour. There were 9 of us in a bright pink Range Rover Discovery. Yes, Pink. The group was made up of two Israelies, three germans, two dutch and us english. We were left to ourselves to drive, camp and eat on this stunning world heritage site and try not to destroy anything in the process. The place is stunning but slight confusing and frustrating. The sea was clear with wonderfully high waves.........but we weren't allowed in at anytime due to tiger sharks, stingers and numerous other little munchers. It was a hard one to resist. We we're also warned on what felt like a thousand times that we must not approach the dingos, we must not feed the dingo's, we must not talk to the dingos.....hell, we mustn't engage in a game of cards with the damn things. Now, Dingo's are wild animals, that will bite you soon as look at you...........the last thing I was going to do was offer them some of my snadwich!

We've now just come back from a three day trip around the Whitsundays where we saw Whitehaven beach (The pic at the side of the blog) and it's as stunning as any of the pictures seen. Clare & I loved it. We both snorkled around the barrier reef and even did some scuba diving. It was like going to someone's house and jumping in their tropical fish tank (Do recommend that you don't try that though!)

We're now in Cairns and have booked ourselves on a outer barrier reef tour and a trip to Cape tribulation with Daintree rainforest. Can't wait!

Photographic proof.

2007-05-24T23:47:00.000-07:00

Now, there is a rumour that we are not in Australia at all but are part of the Corby ASBO relocation programme. I can confirm that this wild rumour is untrue. Photos will be on the way, but we're having such a great time I can't be arsed to put them on the blog.

We all live in a wicked camper van, wicked camper van....

2007-05-24T23:36:00.000-07:00

....a wicked camper van!

Yes we're on the road with our brightly coloured camper. When we picked it up, we were waiting in the garage and around the corner came the van............with Robbie Williams on the sides. Shit. Thankfully, that little rudebox just kept on driving past and in came ours. Rock band Ween is our side mural and it looks pretty damn good. We got in, and started the 1760k drive up the coast to Cairns.

Now this bad boy can hit a whopping 80kmh (55-60mph) on the flats, there ain't been much that hasn't overtaken us so far. Going up hills, people have tended just jog past, but we look good, so it not all bad. What is bad, is that the country is so frickin' big we're without any decent radio reception for a good 2-3 hours at a time, the only thing we seem to be able to pick up is Christian radio. Listen to god, or sit in silence.....we sat in silence. Yesterday we went into a discount store to by some cheap CD's (Emphasis on the word cheap!). Our situation doesn't seem to have improved much! Then again, pay $15 bucks, what the hell do you expect!

Dude, its all good.

2007-05-11T17:02:00.000-07:00

Well this week's gonna seem rather familiar to previous ones.

Beaches, clear sea, great weather.............it really is taking its toll you know!

We started off the week by going to Bribie island which was great, no big waves but good to swim in until little creatures started nibbling at your toes!

We then went to Byron bay for a couple of days. Well I say Byron, we ended up about 15 minutes outside of Byron in a place called Lennox Head which was fantastic. Apparently it has one of the best surfs in the whole of Oz and the waves were pretty damn big. We also went to the Tea tree lakes which, unsurprisingly, were filled with tea tree. Now, it's not a little lake and someone decided to pour 350 gallons of tea tree in there for a laugh. Its a giant lake with the trees around the edge, and the tea tree seeps out of the tree into the lake making a weird murky brown. After having a swim in there though your hair will look shiny and great!

We then spent a day in Nimbin. Now, for those of you who have been to Nimbin or know about it should have a little smile across your face. Nimbin is a very unique and odd place. Started up in the 70's by a bunch of peace loving hippies, it's a town dedicated to the legalisation of cannabis. It is just one main street which looks like something out of Glastonbury. The funny stuff is freely available to smoke or have in cookies and we past numerous people who looked a little dazed to say the least. One guy on our trip had one cookie and laughed all the way home (45 minutes by the way!). Clare and I absconded from indulging but I'm sure the passive smoking was enough!

Today, we finally get our hands on the camper van. We're heading up north towards Cairns and looking to make Noosa our first stop. Photos will definitely follow.

Beard update: Due to public demand (M Clark) beard update makes a welcome return to the blog. I regret to inform you that after three weeks of cultivation, beard 1 has been removed (With great difficulty it has to be said). Beard two though is well under way and is possibly looking even better than it predecessor.

Mozzy update: We've been attack numerous times by the little gits, Clare especially. Clare's taken on a personal mission against them, and its fair to say the battle will be a long one. Clare is also extremely weary of flying things and spiders. She has jumped twice so far thinking that she was a landing ground for these things. The first time was a small moth.......the second was her own sarong bushing on her leg. At least she's prepared!

All we here is Radio Ga ga

2007-05-10T22:03:00.000-07:00

There seems to be one undelying theme in Brisbane (Possibly Australia in general), and thats the overwhelming amount of 80's music that gets played everywhere. Shops, bars, radio stations..........you name it, 4 out of 5 songs are 80's. And the radio presenters seem to be caught up in the 80's time warp as well, in the 'Smashy and Nicey' kind of way -

"Doin' that for charidy?"

"Certainly am, great mate"

The links between songs are just as fantastically cheesy. Two examples:

"We may be on level 5 water restrictions, our grass may be fading and our plants maybe dying..............but at least we can recycle great hits like this - Here's Cyndi Lauper and Time after Time"

"Her new album maybe called loose, but she's turned down $500k to pose for playboy - Here's Nelly Furtado and Maneater".

Crickey!!!!! Look at that!

2007-05-10T21:55:00.000-07:00

As week two comes to a close, it's been pretty busy.

Sunday, we went to Aussie Zoo (Steve Iriwn's place). A giant of a Zoo with snakes, koala's, elephants and the impressive Crocoseum (A stadium to watch shows on how easily a croc can rip your leg off!). After holding a koala, Clare's now looking to adopt one as her own!!! Plenty of 'Crickey's' and 'Don't come a cropper mate'.

Just a little info for you (and parents and other caring people may want to look away now): Of the worlds ten most poisonous snakes - All are Australian! Five of its creatures - The funnelweb spider, box jellyfish, blue-ringed octopus, paralysis tick and stonefish are the most lethal of its type in the world. There's little seashell creatures that don't just sting you, they'll actually go for you..............oh yea, and there's the saltwater croc. Such a deadly killing machine, it's not needed to evolve for over 80,000 years. Sounds great doesn't it.

On Monday, we went to Straddie for three days (See picture). Picture the scene, a mile long beach, beautiful sand, crystal clear waters, blue sky and burning sunshine.................and Clare and I are the only people on it.....that's it, no-one else! It really quite odd. Because it the Aussie winter (around 28 degs) it was the off season. Unbelievable! The life guard looked rather bored as all he had to do was watch over the two poms, jumping around in the waves like it was the first time they'd ever seen water. Was great fun for us though!

The rest of the week we've been around Brisbane city centre, taking boat rides, playing a bit of tennis (Bron has a tennis court in her back yard) and generally lazing about. It's been great!

The eagles have landed

2007-04-28T01:03:00.000-07:00

...and we're here!

26 hours, five in-flight meals (two breakfasts in a row!) a couple of snoozes and the odd beer and we've finally got our arses to the other side of the planet.

Leaving was a tear filled affair, with the Heathrow placed on flood alert as we left the families. Clare's eyes were glazed over, still emotional from the goodbyes, she sniffled through the security checks and on coming through the other side, screamed "WOW, they've got a Harrods in here!". She had got over the goodbyes.

So, we've been here for 5 days so far and have just started to get our head around things. The jet lag has been a pain in the arse for me. It feels like I've contracted temporary narcolepsy as I randomly fall asleep dring the day. I currently have a panchant for waking up at exactly 00:15. Don't know why I'm doing it, but it's starting to do my head in!

So far we've looked around Brisbane or Brissie (Picking up the Aussie lingo already. Basically, you take a word, halve it, then whack an 'ie' or an 's' at the end - No probs!). Spent today on the Sunshine coast......which was kind of ironic as there was little sunshine. Saying that though it was still really warm and the sea was braved.

We're current staying at Vern's place, who's a friend of Bron. This place is amazing. Apart from the house been huge, it's got a veranda that looks over 30 miles worth or so of forrest! It looks like Jurassic Park!

We've got two days planned at Stradbrook Island (Or 'Straddie Island - You see what I did there!) so that should be excellent.

Beer research - Introductory reasearch has been postive with several samples taken. The obligatory Toohies has been tested, but current favorite is Eumundi - Love it!

Beard Up date - Well considered I hadn't shaved for a week before leaving it's looking pretty damn thick. With some strategic shaving and wearing my aviator shades I've realised that there's a potential career in a Village people tribute band. Hmmmm.

The song of the screaming banshees

2007-04-05T08:07:00.000-07:00

Well, my ears are still ringing and I think I might be partially deaf, which may go some way to explaining why I keep walking into things.

As the girls gathered around the mike for the karaoke part of the leaving party, the crowd flocked around the stage in great anticipation of something wonderful. The Wham classic of Wake me up before you go, go was the chosen weapon of choice.

Then they started. The pitch was so................'unique', the crowd opted to take several retreating steps backwards. Windows rattled, glasses shook and I decided that it would be my cue to have a refreshing step outside.......away from the venue............into a different county.

A good night had by all though. I've never seen so many sausage rolls and quiches in one place. Cheers for all of the food and drink people! Made for a great night!

The next morning after cleaning the hall, Myself, Clare, Emma and Robin went for the essential fry up. Man that was good.

Was quite surprised when we got home to see Giggs sprawled out on our front lawn looking a lighter shade of pale. A classic end to a great weekend

And it's done

2007-03-27T03:18:00.000-07:00

...and it's finally done.

Handed in my notice and man does that feel good, and no, I didn't tell them to 'ram it'!!!!! (Cheers Em!) It's really quite liberating. Work seems to have taken on a new light now and I'm rather content going through things with no or little resentment. It's amazing what having a light and the end of the tunnel does for you!

The house is slowly dissapearing. Well the contents of it are, we've not got subsidence and the house is sinking or anything.

We've boxed most things up or are getting rid of what we don't want or need. We've done three car boot sales and we've not done too badly out of it. I can't belive what some people will buy. There's some real odd bods knocking about at these things though. One giant of a man (20 stone at least) picked up a pair of my jeans and thought that they may be a little tight!?!. Tight! Tight! You ain't gonna get your frinkin' ankle in those you cheeky g*t!

2 months and counting

2007-02-18T08:00:00.000-08:00

I feel a little lost.

We've got two months or so before we head out to the other side of the world. The house looks like a tip and I'm wondering exactly how much stuff we've got to get rid of. One car boot has already made us over 60 quid (Ooooooooooo!) and we're gonna do another one next week. We're doing a little each day but it's a rather strange feeling. It's like getting ready to move house but not actually having anywhere to go. Clare's a lot more on top of things than I am and a hell of a lot more proactive. She always has been. That's one of the many, many things that makes her great!

I'm thinking about what I need to keep and what needs to be sold, it's a rather dull process. TV, DVD player, CD's & DVD. They're the first four things on my 'keep list'. How sad is that. 30 years on this planet and the most important things for me to keep is electrical goods. I must have something more life defining to keep? No........nope that's it. Sentimental objects.............home entertainment is thy name. Not exactly something you're gonna see on the Antiques Roadshow is it.

It's still doesn't seem real that we're going. Work doesn't know yet and I'm booking in events and meetings knowing full well that I'm not going to be there to fulfill them.

It makes me smile.

It's really quite liberating to take on such a frivolous attitude to my work, but as I don't really like it, who gives a shit. Knowing that I'm actually going to leave is like a bright shining light at the end of the tunnel. It's pretty small at the moment but it's getting bigger ever day. I should have left this place two years ago, but due to bad luck, stupidity and laziness I'm still 'Institutionalised'.

As I'm writing this, I can hear the muppet next door. Well, there's actually two of them, a couple. They don't really speak. I believe she's a primary school teacher which surely just means she has to stop kids from swallowing paint and eating sticky back plastic. They occasionally say hello but really they're kinda weird. The only thing you can hear from him is a kind of prehistoric scream when he's gaming (I think) or, as I've deduced, when Newcastle score. Luckily, that doesn't happen often!

People keep saying that this is going to be a year of change and it's certainly shaping up that way.

Two months to go. This is gonna be interesting